Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT