FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal