the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.