I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
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You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
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Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.