Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
