so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
