so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
