dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
