She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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