I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
