Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
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the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
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