The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
