why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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