we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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