she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
