what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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