I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
