Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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