Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
