I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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