kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
