well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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