We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
