i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
