she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
