So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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