Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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