i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
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Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
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I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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