let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
