Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
