Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.