Texts From Last Night

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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Without porn, I would have few hobbies.

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  (308): Without porn, I would have few hobbies. http://tfl.nu/e9r7
  Replies (5) Good night (851) Bad night (1600)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.

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  (954): I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else. http://tfl.nu/idx6
  Replies (14) Good night (2475) Bad night (1318)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.

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  (205): One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum. http://tfl.nu/g2t8
  Replies (18) Good night (1081) Bad night (2964)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever

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  (540): just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever http://tfl.nu/k011
  Replies (34) Good night (7676) Bad night (1003)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".

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  (703): As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake". http://tfl.nu/w0jz
  Replies (77) Good night (18944) Bad night (2736)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.

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  (269): I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life. http://tfl.nu/x5qx
  Replies (23) Good night (3448) Bad night (3389)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"

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  (214): a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate" http://tfl.nu/0wuw
  Replies (9) Good night (1171) Bad night (5500)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.

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  (254): It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway. http://tfl.nu/k2oc
  Replies (8) Good night (1241) Bad night (3193)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?

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  (715): you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question? http://tfl.nu/kzcn
  Replies (11) Good night (1340) Bad night (804)
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  (226): View more from Ontario

  This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.

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  (226): This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible. http://tfl.nu/a5mz
  Replies (6) Good night (2936) Bad night (631)
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  (415): View more from California

  Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.

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  (415): Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups. http://tfl.nu/od5l
  Replies (12) Good night (2318) Bad night (555)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.

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  (814): Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud. http://tfl.nu/jy38
  Replies (6) Good night (418) Bad night (586)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.

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  (313): From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours. http://tfl.nu/36vr
  Replies (4) Good night (967) Bad night (609)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?

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  (+44): Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry? http://tfl.nu/1i64
  Replies (0) Good night (629) Bad night (215)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".

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  (361): Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form". http://tfl.nu/gv3w
  Replies (3) Good night (313) Bad night (485)

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