that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
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Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
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Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...