Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.