i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
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Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
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You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26