i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
