Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.