dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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