I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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