Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
