We're facebook friends in real life
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
A bitchslap is in order.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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