I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
