I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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