please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
