Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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