The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
