You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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