i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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