that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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