What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
