You made me cry and you don't even care
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
