grandma shit on top of the toilet
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
