I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
