she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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