You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
