Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
