well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
