I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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