and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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