You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
