So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
