well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
