Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
