I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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