i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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