Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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