the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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