I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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