I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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