Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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