i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
