Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
